Since I retired from my full-time career with the U.S. Navy, my life has been dramatically different. While I was still on the job, in that last year during the countdown, I started doing some serious praying about what I would spend my time on in retirement.
I began asking around to see how others planned to live out their post-work days and I discovered an overwhelming common response – Spend more time with the children and grandchildren.
Ouch! The waves of grief were back and crashing down hard on me. My only son went to heaven before he had the chance to get married and have kids. My retirement days were not going to look like those I surveyed.
I knew for certain that I needed to find something meaningful to do that would keep me out of my head. Leaving a stressful 9-5 job and the freedom that went along with it would be an incredible blessing and I welcomed that gift. But while the idea of shopping, going on long runs, lunch with friends and gardening sounded great, it didn’t measure up to my idea of real “meaning.”
My faith had sustained me through the unimaginable pain of losing Sean and so I prayed fervently that God would show me His purpose for my life in this new season. Then I listened for that still, small voice to guide the way.
Pay it Forward
Throughout my grief journey, I have been reminded of the Apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Corinth that urges us to comfort others with the comfort we have received from God (2 Cor 1:3-4). A New Testament Pay It Forward, if you will, that I believed would be the basis of my new ministry.
I loved co-hosting a podcast at work and felt like it was a great medium for thought-provoking discussions. Suddenly I was thinking about hosting my own in retirement. With the experience I had in podcasting, as well as in loss, I felt qualified to host an episode or two. If it is in His will and purpose for me, He will bless and confirm it, I believed.
I have also known since early on, that Sean’s death must not be in vain. He was too well loved and had an impact on far too many people for the story to end there. Now, with each episode, I am discovering so much meaning and purpose in talking with my guests on the show and discovering the depth of emotions with them as we navigate these difficult topics related to loss. My listeners are sharing the podcast to help others who are hurting and that was my prayer from the start. The feedback has been positive and the audience is growing worldwide - Blessing and Confirmation!
In my last episode I talked with Christine about the loss of her only child and how she realized God’s purpose for her life was to help other people with the experience she gained from the tragedy of Erin’s death. Adversity tends to work that way. We can get better or bitter. And God can turn suffering and pain into goodness and beauty for those who trust in Him. (Romans 8:28)
Finding Purpose
I used to tell my son “Stand for something or you’ll fall for anything,” a quote from Scottish clergyman Peter Marshall. Sean liked that quote, and he stood for love. He had a passion for people- getting to know them and enjoying life with them. He listened more than he talked and he just loved everyone without passing judgement. I want to love like that.
These days, as I meet with people and enjoy carefree lunches without having to look at the clock and race back to the office, I now interject a question into every discussion:
“If money was not an issue, you didn’t have to work, and you could do whatever you wanted in this life, what would you do?” I get a variety of responses from hobbies to travel but mostly what I hear is “I really don’t know.”
So now I ask you. What is it that you are really passionate about? What do you stand for? What social problems or injustices bring you to your knees and if you could change anything about this world to make it better, what would it be?
Think about those things if you never have and sit with your answers for a bit. Then, if you really want to know your purpose, start asking God. I promise you, He will begin to reveal it. We can’t change the world, but we can change one life, and that life has an impact on other lives.
The church I go to has a great mission statement: Loving the world one person at a time. We can do that. We can start small and make a big difference.
