Overcoming adversity and loss through faith, gratitude and positivity

Well, hey everybody and welcome back to Qualified the place where incredible people share their stories of overcoming great adversity and loss to inspire you and give you hope. I'm Michelle Heaton. In each episode, I've had the opportunity to meet and interview some of the most amazing people. Every one of my guests has impacted me personally with their stories of perseverance and strength. And I'm so grateful to host this forum and be able to share their stories with you. When I first met today's guest, I was in awe of her mental fortitude, and literally captivated by her positive attitude. In addition to being a wife, a mother and a grandmother, she's a full time content creator and blogger, a life coach, and self professed ice cream lover. She's also a quadruple amputee, who lost both hands and feet as a result of a complicated medical condition. Her name is Wendy Wallace, and it is my great pleasure and privilege to have her as my guest on the show today. Welcome to Qualified Wendy.

Thanks, Michelle. I'm excited to be here.

Of course. So if you wouldn't mind getting started by just telling us what was the condition that led to the amputation of your hands and feet?

Sure, you know, I was running around doing just crazy, you know, Mom things with my kids. And I noticed an unusual swelling on my leg at about the same time that I felt flu like symptoms. And I didn't think anything of it, I came home, went to bed, my husband took over and you know, we figured I just sleep it off and be better in a day or two. But after a couple of days, I was not getting better. In fact, I was getting worse. And so we ended up in the emergency room. And they quickly diagnosed me with something called necrotizing fasciitis, which is flesh eating bacteria. The last thing I remember is getting to the hospital and then putting an oxygen mask on my face. Because I was losing oxygen. That was it. I was in a coma for three weeks. Oh my goodness. And thankfully, they diagnosed me pretty quickly. I was life flighted to another larger hospital that would better be able to care for me. But the doctors told my family, you better just say your goodbyes, because I don't think we can fix this. She's pretty bad off. And she's not going to make it.

That's terrible and must have been so traumatizing for all of you. So the illness was throughout your body and was threatening your life?

Yes, because it hadn't been started on my limbs yet. There were several surgeries. And I don't even remember how many but I'm thinking five or six surgeries where they kept going back in and trying to remove the bacteria because it was growing. Once they did the surgery. They would know if I was getting better not by the fevers that I was getting. And the fever just kept coming back and coming back. And every time we did, I'd have to go back in for more surgery.

Wow, that must have been incredibly difficult. And I think when we talked before you mentioned coming out of the coma and being told by doctors about the need to amputate and then you just nodded back off to sleep. So what was it like waking up after the surgery and realizing your hands and feet work gone?

Yeah, I think what they wanted to do is just notify me because they didn't want me caught completely off guard. By it. From my perspective. When you're in a coma you're caught off completely off guard anyway, when they wake you up and tell you they're gonna have to amputate. I think it was just a courtesy. But when they woke me up, my husband was seeing in there he was crying the doctor was just very, you know, cold an indifferent and telling me that the bacteria had spread to my organs and things were starting to shut down. At that point I was actually able to see my hands which were black and dead. He basically said we're giving you the choice to say goodbye to your husband or give us permission to amputate. I was like look at a question. is that first of all, I have no clue what's happening and why. But do what you have to do, because I wasn't ready to go. By this time, you know, they had gotten rid of the bacteria. And they figured, well, maybe the amputations will save her life, it was really the only hope I had. I don't recall being freaked out in any way. Just a calm, I guess. It was at that point, I did talk to my guide and said, You know, I need help. But it was just, okay, where do we go from here? I'm going to have to learn to do things differently. And I don't know how or why or where or whatever. But this is going to be new and difficult. And we're gonna need help.

Yeah, absolutely new and difficult to say the least. Well, moving forward from that day, I imagine you had to depend on the help of other people, your family primarily, how did those changes affect them, and you?

Well, when I was done in that hospital, I went and spent a month in rehab, where I had to learn certain basic things, in order for me to, for them to give me permission to come home. Let me tell you, a physical therapy is just the worst. Actually, like yours, you know, you've got pain in your life, it was very difficult. I had a marine drill sergeant, as my physical therapist, and I fought with him every day, because I didn't want to do what he wanted to do. But I also knew that it was for my good. So just everyday was a struggle. I came home in a you know, one of those electric wheelchairs, you know, the battery went, so I was running into walls, or just thankfully, we had built the home we're in now, four years prior, everything worked to where we didn't need to do hardly any upgrades when I came home, and was driving this mammoth wheelchair around the place. So, you know, the kids were all teenagers at that time. They all had to pitch in, I was one of those moms. That was as soon as the kids were old enough to help out. They were taught how to help out how to fold laundry and even cook in the kitchen. One of our favorite things we used to do is Iron Chef, where mom got to be that judge, and all the kids got to cook. And so by the time this had happened, they all had a basic understanding of how to cook. And it was awesome. They didn't like it much, or some of them didn't. But it was just a foresight, I think any parent should teach their children, you know, taking care of themselves, how to do their own laundry and clean up after themselves and cook. Because, you know, so many kids today now they're out there on their own, and they don't even know how to do anything. But I was just thankful that my kids could just kind of pick up where I couldn't, and help take care of myself. How old were they at that time? 1315 and 18? Yeah, I actually when I was in rehab, my son was getting ready to graduate from high school, and they were not going to let me go. Because I had reached all my little milestones in the physical therapy. You know, you don't mess with a mama when it's her first child graduate from already child really. And I just all you know, you let me out or I'm gonna escape.

Good for you. I was just wondering, when you were talking about cooking, was there anything that you really enjoyed that you were very disappointed that you wouldn't be able to do anymore?

That was it. Okay, cooking and baking. You know, we all have our love languages, right? And so, for me, showing my family love was to do things for them to cook nice meals, or to bake cookies or any of those things. I mean, it's been 11 years now and I still miss that. Kids. You're all moved out. Now my husband has taken over all the cooking duties. My job is to look up recipes for him. So at least I can help participate. But I don't get to cook much because I can't even hold on to a stirring spoon or a spatula. And it's quite frustrating.

I'm sure it is and so thank you for sharing that, I noticed that one of the photos you posted on your website, you have a stylus or a pen that you kind of attached to your arm and you use that for typing, right?

I do I, I have my phone. And I know your, your audience can't see this, but I have my phone that's hooked onto my arm. And this is what how I read all my blog posts. I read my entire business with my phone and my stylus. And now I've gotten a little more crazy, and I'll strap a another one on my left arm and then I can use the laptop and type two fisted for lack of a better phrase, or invite. Yeah, it's when I do everything. I mean, I can turn pages in a book or use the phone or the clicker for the television. And it's my finger. Basically, that gives me more freedom to do what I need to do.

Are there any other special devices or tools that you use that allow you to be more independent?

You know, in the beginning, I had been fitted for prosthetic arms. I had two different sets. And neither one of them were effective. They were heavy, they were clunky, they didn't do anything. They look like real arms. Basically, they were so heavy, like I think they're about five pounds each. I couldn't lift them up, I couldn't do anything with them. So I found going without and just use the stylus was really all I needed. The other thing I have is a cuff for eating. And I can put a fork in there or a spoon and feed myself. Because you know, you'll lose a lot of that. Just freedom. Yes to feed yourself. And you know when somebody else is feeding you as a grown adult. Very humbling.

Yes, I can only imagine. So you mentioned when you were in the hospital, you called on God for strength to deal with what was ahead. Can you talk about how your faith played a role in your recovery?

You know, initially when the doctors had told my husband, she's got no chance his reply was, you don't know my God and you don't know what he's capable of. He was able to just through prayer and rallying everybody that we knew who believed in the power of prayer, there were people all across the country praying for me. And I do believe that is the reason that I'm here. Today. When I woke up from the coma and found the bandages, the first thing I did was pray because I knew that I couldn't do this by myself. Yeah, I had the support of a wonderful family there for me 100%. But we all needed. The guidance, and the strength and the courage that can only come from God. So I prayed. And I just asked him for wisdom and strength and just show me how to do this. That's what I did. I just leaned on him. We all did. I couldn't imagine doing it. Without him. The recovery process, a huge part of it was growing my faith. Because one of the questions that I had was why? Why did this have to happen? Right? You know, we always think Well, what did I do wrong? I don't know how many times I asked that. And, you know, studying it out. In our home in church, we really dug into that. And I learned that it's not always because of something that I did. But God allowed it to happen, for one reason or another. And it wasn't only later, until I started to write and work with the communities around me mostly online, that I learned that he allows things to happen for the benefit of others. Not always us. But you know, like, even in your situation. You're here to serve and be a testament to the power of God, and what he can do. And there's lots of folks that just need that reminder. It's just a simple thing. It they just need the reminder that he's there.

Yes, you and I talked before about how after our losses we both resonated with that New Testament scripture and second Corinthians chapter one, verses three and four that were called the comfort others with the comfort we ourselves have received from God. That really helped me to understand that there's purpose in the pain and adversity we experience. So that said, What would you say to encourage someone who's facing a challenge that will radically change their life going forward?

The first thing you need a support, my number one place of support is the Lord. And then the my family. And you know, you can't do it all alone. It's very humbling to face a situation where you can no longer do things that you take for granted. You know, we take our hands and our feet for granted until we don't have them any longer. And we have to let go of the pride that says I have to feed myself. Because sometimes we just lose that ability, at least for a period. You know, that was one of the first things I wanted to get back. So I worked really hard to get the tools that I needed to be able to feed myself, but there's still today, there are things I can't do by myself, and one of them is shower and dress. My arms aren't long enough. And it's just something I have to lean on my husband for. And some days, I just look at him, and you gotta hate this. Don't you hate this as much as I do? And he's like, You know what, it's not even a thing. Stop making so much out of it. It's just the way that it is. I'd rather have you here and doing this. That nah.

That's beautiful. That's love. That's truly love.

It is. It's just really sad. When people go through situations like I have. They don't have that. Absolutely, yeah.

So talk about your husband, because you said the children are now grown and have moved out. And I know he's your primary source of support. You told me before what an amazing man he is, and that you both love each other very much. Going through this experience must have really made you appreciate your marriage and your love for one another. Right?

Absolutely. You know, he used to tell people, if all he got was my head, he would be up. Oh my gosh. And I'm like, well, that's weird. But it's, it's just incredible. It just shows the level of love adds. I try not to take that for granted.

I know caregivers can have their own challenges sometimes too. So I'm sure he takes time out to recharge his batteries and do a little self care, right?

Oh, yeah. You know, it's funny. We were talking to somebody just yesterday, who had lost his wife, like, two, three weeks ago. And she had cancer, she had dementia really bad. And he was her caregiver. We weren't there. And I went to get a soda. And I kept coming back for more money because they kept making it more expensive than I could even imagine. And the man says to my husband, he's like, Wow, she's pretty amazing as a change like, yeah. But he said, You know what, you are too. So he says, I know what it's like to be a caregiver. You are amazing. Yeah. Yeah. And he doesn't like it when I tell him that. He doesn't like it when others people' say it.

You love people and getting out and about, and you just talked about going to the fair? Do you remember any strong reactions from people in the beginning that were unsettling or uncomfortable for you as an amputee?

Ah, yeah, a little bit. I mean, mostly scary. Most folks are pretty gracious. And they might say, hey, you know, will you win the war? Or is it military or either military or diabetes? No, flesh eating bacteria, though, or, you know?

So you're pretty open about it. And we talked about the weight of the prosthetic arms and how you decided against using those, but you do utilize prosthetic legs. Does that ever cause unwanted attention or make you feel anxious? No,

you know, because nowadays, there's just so many of us. Maybe not necessarily quadruple amputees. But we saw the other had what prosthetic just yesterday where we were? Course I run around in shorts because when there's just a lot of heat when you've got to have your leg covered in prosthetics that there's a lighter and socks and all this stuff. Rubber gets warm. So I wear shorts, which took me a long time to get Did that boy, but I think you're you know what it is what it is why hide it? My arms are gone. That's more kind of weird. I think people aren't used to seeing that then the legs.

Your attitude is amazing windy given the circumstances she face. So I have to ask did the bacteria cause any other lingering effects to your overall health?

No, my kidneys had shut down. So I was on dialysis for a while. But even before I got out of the hospital, it was over. I know I was like heparin for a little while. blood sugars. But yeah, everything else is good. In fact, it's funny, you know, the first thing, people COVID came out and they're like, Oh, you gotta be careful. And I'm like, why? So what's wrong with me? There's nothing wrong. That'd be a high risk writing. But yeah, they make the assumption. Yeah. So

you are a self professed ice cream lover? I have to ask, What's your favorite flavor?

Ah, right now it's caramel overload. I like ice cream was stuck with it. Oh chunks. Yeah, yeah. You gotta chew it. So anything like boost tracks or set another one is salty. Caramel truffle. I think is what they have the quarter here. But yeah, I an ice cream addict. Self-professed.

So do you have any difficulty indulging in this little addiction? Or have you mastered eating it from a bowl?

You know what? This is even worse. I use those giant waffle coats. Oh, because those I get hold the little ones. I get all the little bit. But I have a tendency baby to crush it a little bit like burgers, I can hold a burger, but that it like, I hold on to it so tight. it squirts out inside anymore.

I was just curious. So there was a turning point where you made a decision. I think mentally that you were going to just take one step forward and not only push through this, but that you were going to start helping other people. So tell us about that.

Well, it was funny because my family never saw me as here. And he kept. And they pushed me to do more things for myself than I wanted to. I didn't want to milk it a little bit, but they weren't gonna love it. And so my daughter was about 21 By this time, and she invited me to go tubing. Not behind the boat or anything, but like just down the local river. I that she lost her ever-lovin mind. And I'm like, Ah, she's like, No, no, it'll be good. I won't let you die it there'll be good. Well, I'm fine. And sounds a little scary. No, because I I've never done that before. I didn't know what to expect. So I said, Alright, let's just do this. I need to get through the comfort zone at some point. And we had a great time. It was one of those days where everything that could go wrong did. It was just complicated. We got to the river, there was practically no water in it. I mean, everything like that. But once we got over all the rocks, it started to flow. We started to talk about well, what if I started a blog and shared by experiences with people because, you know, I've been in this pity party for long enough. And I'm sure that there are people like me who just needed a wake up call. That to be adventure was my turnaround. Because it proved to be that I was capable of so much more than I was giving myself credit for. I'm like, Yeah, you know what I can write about this? And let's do lots more stuff. Because this is really fun, what else can I do? And then you start making this list of things. And it was the next day or two that I set up my website. And it didn't take me very long to realize anyone write about being an amputtee, I wanted to write about moving on. You know, I didn't want to think about what was wrong with me all day long, but rather how to how to get out of there. It just create a life of fulfillment and joy and peace and just a great life because I could still do that. Because all of my limitations were just in my mind. And so that's what I did. I started to write and you know, it's funny In the beginning, you get these analytics that tell you, there's two people on your website right now. And a couple of months later, there's 100 people there. And now we're talking 10s of 1000s of people that are reading my blog posts on a daily basis. Number one, that's just incredible. And it's still blows my mind. But also, in fact, I talked to a woman this morning, she's like, I don't know how we came to get I Googled it, you gave up. And you were just what I needed somebody to talk to. And the feedback that I was getting, is where I got that revelation from the Lord, why he had to go through this. The people who needed me they needed to hear my message of hope, and joy and peace that still exists in spite of the struggles we face.

So tell us when it evolved to I think you do more than just blog now. Right? Yeah,

I don't blog so much anymore. It's still up there. You know, I am constantly tweaking it all that, but it has evolved into a coaching program, where rather than just writing to people, even through my weekly newsletter, I'm able to talk to them, and coach them through their struggle. Oftentimes, when we go through struggles, the first thing out the window is faith, because we're like, Well, where did the guide go and all this? It's my job to reconnect them to the Lord. And to show them that, yeah, he's got a purpose of this. And that just because hard times come, you can still keep that contentment, and joy and peace at all there.

That's so wonderful, Wendy, and I'm so glad your daughter took you out that day, and encouraged you to get started. So given your circumstances and your belief that this adversity could be used for good to help other people, can you share a couple of the big lessons you learn, that could help someone listening? Who needs help right now?

Yeah, you know, I have found, there are things to focus on during the struggle, ad for me, and this is what I teach in my coaching program. And even on my website, it has to do with growing your faith, and your prayer life. But also growing your gratitude, and taking note of the blessings that are surrounding you, even in the hard times, I always say there's always a silver lining in every dark cloud, you just got to be willing to look for it. And joy, and kindness, when you are struggling. Don't you just feel better when you reach out to do something nice for somebody else? You know, whether it's a text or a phone call, or making a meal, or just visiting somebody who's down on their luck, or just having a bad day? It lifts us up in the process. Yeah. And so those are the key things that I have found have been instrumental in my recovery. It's funny, you would think, going through everything that I have been through that. I'm just thankful. It, it's it truly has worked for my great God's glory.

I agree. Well, Wendy, I'm gonna link your website, one exceptional life in the show notes, so listeners can find you on the internet. Is there anything else that you want to add about what you do?

You know, I'm happy to talk to anybody who's fallen on hard times. I have a great freebie though. It's a five step guide, broad marquee piece at the storms of life. It's just a free PDF that's available to anybody who wants it.

Very good. Thank you so much. Well, Wendy, I just want to thank you from the bottom of my heart for agreeing to come on the podcast and share your story here. I know you'll encourage many people like you have me so thanks again.

Well, thank you very much. It was all my pleasure.

So for those of you listening, I hope you were inspired by Wendy's words. What could have been a fatal illness ended up becoming the basis of a story of faith and hope for many. When we're in the midst of our struggles, it's easy to let fear and doubt cloud our thinking. We can sink into the pit and find it hard to emerge again. But when we realize that difficult circumstances can lead to one exceptional life like Wendy has, we can choose to move forward and thrive and ultimately help other people with the lessons we've learned in our loss. Thanks for listening