Suddenly Disabled - Now What?

Well, hey everybody, and welcome back to Qualified, the place where incredible people share their stories of overcoming great adversity and loss to inspire you and give you hope. I'm Michelle Heaton. Loss is so difficult. And the thing is, we never really know how hard it will hit us. until it does. I can remember an empathy exercise I participated in during my training to become a hospice volunteer. They had us write down on individual strips of paper, the names of three people that meant the most to us. The three tangible objects that we cherish most in this life. And then three physical abilities that we enjoy, like running or writing or gardening. We were told to flip each strip of paper over and place them on the table in front of us. And then someone came by and randomly took away one of our little strips of paper one at a time. We were made to imagine a life after each loss until we had only one left. You might have ended up with the paper that name the person you love the most. Or you may have discovered that you were left with only one of your treasured things. But for a moment, imagine that many of your physical abilities, the things you took for granted, all these years were now gone. Well, my guest today is well qualified to discuss this type of loss having lived through two separate accidents that took her from active and healthy to severely disabled and living with chronic pain. She has come a long way since that time, and she's now an author, a speaker and a nutritionist. Her name is Darci Steiner. And it's my honor to have her as my guest on the show today. Welcome to qualify Darci.

Thank you so much for having me, Michelle, it's an honor to be here.

Well, thank you. Well set it up for us if you would by telling us about the accident that caused you to be bedridden back in 2001.

You bet. So back then, I was a young mother 35. With two young children, they were two and a half and five, my daughters. And we were enjoying getting ready for the holiday season, and setting up Christmas things and we wanted to listen to some music. And the music was upstairs. So I ran up the stairs as young mothers do for everything. And then name and ran back down the stairs. And that was the problem because at the top of the stairs was a drawing of one of my daughters that I slipped on. And that paper I didn't know would lead to disability. And so as I started tumbling, I ended up somehow I don't know how but I hurdled the baby gate at the bottom of the stairs. And by hurdling it. I hurt my ankle when I landed. And then that twisted me and turned me into a wall. So I hit a wall, which then flipped me and I face planted into the ground. So you can imagine the injury to my back was pretty severe.

That sounds awful than you're right. I can only imagine the pain you must have been in at that very moment. So tell us what followed. I know you were confined to a bed for a very long time. Can you share your diagnosis and describe those early days and how you were feeling about it all?

You bet. So you know this, this disability, I ended up spending more and more time in bed. And then I developed a condition called CRPS. It's complex regional pain syndrome. And it's not very common, but it is very painful. In fact, when measured on a pain scale, it measures the highest pain, one can feel. And there is no cure. And the thing with CRPS is even the slightest touch is so painful. I could not even bear the weight of the sheet on my body. So my husband had built this tent to put the sheath over so that I could at least keep some works close to my body with this tent. that we had to be very creative. Sounds like he, you know, he took care of me, he took care of the kids he was working at night and taking care of the kids during the day, it was chaotic. And I am becoming depressed because there's nothing more that I want and to be with my family, to be with my kids, you know, I chose to stay home and not work well, I had a daycare in my home. And so I had to stop doing that. But, you know, these kids are are five and two and a house and they're reaching for me, they want me to hold them. And the day before, the last day, I held my daughter, I held her all day because she had double ear infection. And that's why I remember the last day that I held her because it was higher day. And it was like a gift that God gave me to hold her for the entire day, knowing that I wouldn't ever be able to hold her again.

I am so sorry, Darci that must have been terrible, not being able to embrace your children as they reached out to you. You told me before that doctors were not able to do very much and that depression was setting in. And you were seeing a counselor to help with that. But tell us about an interesting turn of events that began when your counselor offered a suggestion.

So I had been going to doctor after doctor after doctor to find healing, I had been to dozens of doctors. And you know, after you go to dozens and dozens of doctors, you get a little discouraged, man was very difficult for me to even get to a doctor, that whole process was just so involved getting me down the stairs of my home and into a car required getting a neighbor. So I realized at that point, and my counselor helped me realize that that worry, you need to do something different besides going to another doctor. Maybe you need to start doing something different for yourself that's more natural. And my counselor happened to be a nutritionist, which is rare, and it was life giving to me. So I decided, You know what, I am going to start looking more at holistic remedies, because that's what I needed. As I started reading, so I could sit up in bed for about five minutes. And then had to lay down at that's how in how much pain I was in, I was on a lot of medication for the pain. So I decided to sit up five minutes, you know, and read in the textbook. I had a textbook that I was learning different nutritional remedies from and I found this nutrition shake, and asked my husband to make it and when you are in so much pain you struggle to eat. And so I had lost a lot of weight, I had lost a lot of bone mass, muscle mass, you name it, I was deteriorating. And I was malnourished. And my doctors were fearing for my life actually. So nutrition was the direction to go. And so I decided to enroll in a program, which was a master's program that you could study at home and and mail in your test back then. And so I did. And it took me it was a four year program. And it took me six years, they allowed the extra two years because they saw what it was doing for me. And what it was doing for me was healing me. And I could keep this nutrition shape down. And so with amino acids, I was able to gain some muscle mass which helped me gain bone mass. And I was my case study or my program. Well, I'm my case study while I'm studying. And so my papers were about me what how, and I practice these holistic remedies, not just nutrition, but deep breathing, meditation, progressive relaxation, all of these holistic ways to help calm anxiety that I had greatly, you know, because I fear I was going to die in here I have two young children and a husband.

So you are pretty much in bed for four years. But when you started to realize the connection, but With proper nutrition and healing for your body, you slowly began to regain other abilities. Right?

Yeah. And so, you know, the nutrition kicked in, I was able to do a little bit more. Having had this shake and some other foods that I could eat, I was able to get to his therapy pool and go to warm water therapy, which was also natural. And that's where I learned to lock again, was in the water, you know, when you don't walk for four years, and then you take a step, I can't even tell you the exhilaration that you feel that I took my first step, and you have to learn to walk again, because your brain forgets, wow, I have. So I had, you know, my therapist in the pool with me. And I can picture it like it was yesterday, putting one foot in front of the other. And I could only do a couple steps at a time. But then I built on that, and then eventually was able to walk on land again, not without pain. But I could eventually walk on land again. And then drive again. I started walking on land after the fifth year, you know, it took probably seven years me here. It was actually nine years before, I didn't have pain where the pain disappear. That doesn't happen with CRPS. It doesn't go away. It's not supposed to. There are rare times where it goes into remission. But then generally it comes back.

Well, Darci, that is a lot to go through almost 10 years of a very difficult recovery. But I'm so glad that your counselor led you to discover the value of nutrition and healing. And that you were able to use that time that you were confined to bed to pursue an education and holistic healing. So now you're in much less pain, you're walking and driving, and starting to feel like you're back to your old sell somewhat. But now you're involved in another accident in 2018. What happened this time?

So at this time, and prior to this, I had opened a nutrition counseling practice. So I was teaching people to do the things that I wished I had learned before that may have prevented some of this for me, and I was loving, having my own private practice and not having pain anymore. And so people were coming to me like how, how do we do this? You know, how do we not have pain. And of course, there's the weight loss people, you know, and the weight gain people because I had also learned to gain weight, which can be difficult. So my daughter at this point is getting married. So it's her wedding day, and we go to the wedding. And the wedding was beautiful. We welcomed our new son in law. And we were cleaning up at the end of the wedding. And I was walking by a stack of chairs that were leaned against the wall and one of them slid down and took me off my feet and hit an ankle bone which was primarily where my pain was from the CRPS before. So it hit the same spot. That was my worst spot in my ankle. And I knew immediately Michelle, I knew immediately that this is something bigger than just a sprained ankle. I hoped that it would be less but I kind of knew this has been retriggered. And it indeed was.

Well you mentioned before that CRPS pretty much always returned similar to a virus that's lying dormant in the body. So how did it impact your body this time?

It all returned and I cried like a baby all the way home in pain from my daughter's wedding rather than rejoicing. We stopped and got ice and pain reliever. And I'm not quite bedridden, yet I could still well I couldn't walk and I wasn't bedridden. So I just basically studied my Bible, because all I could do was sit and then the pain started increasing and got worse and it started to spread throughout my whole body. Oh my goodness. So my hands were affected. So not only could I not lock and I couldn't use my hands. So I could no longer hold my Bible. I couldn't hold a book. And in fact my hand It's hurts so bad, I couldn't rest them on anything, I had to pull them straight up. And that gets tiring. But I couldn't rest them on anything. And they were burning hot. So I had the CRPS spread throughout my whole body, my side, so I couldn't lay on my sides. I still have pain in my sides, though not as bad. My hands are better. They're not 100%. But I can't play the piano anymore. And I was a pianist. But I cannot do that anymore. And so yeah, I'm still struggling with severe chronic pain, though not like I was, but I was for for the past four and a half years, my husband has been my caregiver again. The thing that's different this time is the kids are grown, but it still impacts you. And I have a granddaughter now, and it impacts her because her other grandma can pick her up. I can't. And that, again, I'm feeling the heartbreak of not been able to pick up. Just like I couldn't pick up my young daughter, I can't pick up my young granddaughter. And so there's the heart. You know, the heartbreak, that's there. It's not just the physical pain, it's watching the people walk behind my house on the trail I used to walk on and wondering, Do they even know to be grateful for the ability to walk, you know. And just seeing people do normal things that I longed to do a long to do the laundry. I love to cook for my husband, you know, I longed to play the piano again. And so many things that I've had to grieve, losing, ya know, it's an emotional journey, as well as physical journey.

Darci, my heart just breaks for you listening to this, especially given all that you've been through the first time. And now here you are again. But I want to talk about what transpired during your rest and recovery. You wrote a book. It's called Beauty beyond the thorns. And you talk about all the ways that you experience joy in the midst of suffering. Explain that to us.

Yes. So you remember that period of time where I said, I started reading my Bible all the time. That was Matthew. And that study actually helped me when I began losing more function. Because when you read the Sermon on the Mount, you read, blessed hid, or the poor in spirit, bless it are those who mourn, you know, all of these things that are upside down from what we think in the world and what we see in the world, right. And so I began thinking, you know, I'm gonna start blocking is how I began. Because I want to write some of these things down that I feel the Lord is showing me. And I felt like, you know, he was beginning to show me some of these gifts that I talked about in the book. And, and the subtitle is discovering gifts in suffering. Mm hmm. discovered because of suffering, not in spite. Right. And so, this disability, these disabilities began to show up more as a gift than as something that was mean that God did to me, you know, like, the God allowed me to go through. But instead, it was like, you know, I am persevering here. And I feel like I'm, I've reached the end of myself, and like, I can't go on. But how am I going on? It's because God is enabling me. And so I began to see, you know, Darcy, you're stronger than you think. And God knows that you're stronger than you think he's helping you to move forward, even though you feel like you can't. So that's a gift. And I remember

reading something that stood out to me. You said, suffering in our lives often doesn't make sense. But God always has a purpose for it, and it's always for our benefit. Can you break that down for us?

Yes, you know, God works in the spiritual realm and he works in what we see the physical realm that we can't see the spiritual realm the way that he can. And so as he was forming me curving me, as I'm hurting, these things are shaping me for what my purpose is. suffering in our lives often doesn't make sense. I mean, when does it ever make sense? That we suffer, right? Where we always ask why? You know, for me, why twice? She? You healed me from this before and what didn't I learn? So we ask these questions. You know why? It doesn't make sense. But God has a reason for it. And, you know, just like Joe, Joe could talk to God. They conversed by job never asked God, why. And God never told Joe why. So we can let go of the whys, then we trust God better. And just trust that, you know, he loves us. If we trust that He loves us, he's taking us to a place. That's good.

You know, listening to you is so inspirational. And I know that you're a person of faith. But was there ever a time during all of this when you doubted God or question if he was even there in the midst of your suffering?

So for a time, you know, I was, I was pretty upset with God. Because I could not wrap my head around. Why again? Huh? Why again? God, you know, it does no good to pray. You know, you're gonna do what you want to do anyway, right? It doesn't matter what I do. You know, you're just, you're gonna do what you want. Anyway. And so what is the point in praying? So, I stopped praying for time, because I felt like, it doesn't matter. You know, and I just wrestled, I wrestled for a couple of months. With what is my, what has been the foundation of my faith? Is it God answering my prayers and the way that I want him to? Or is it trusting Him? And, you know, I wanted to kind of change up my prayers. Anyway, I felt like I was praying, Genie prayers, like, rub the bottle. Give me what I want, what I need, what I think I need, let me direct this because I'm doing a pretty good job directing my life right now. Right? You know, and what's so bad about walking, that you would take it from me. I was just struggling?

Well, I think it's amazing that you were able to rebound from that and get to a place of faith and hope. I thought it was so beautiful that you name each chapter of your book for each of the gifts that you receive from God, as a result of your adversity. And there's 30 chapters in the book. If you had to pick just one of those gifts, which one was most significant to you?

Gratitude. The gift of gratitude became the most profound to me, because God didn't take everything away from me. There was still good, I still have the best husband in the world. My kids are awesome, you know, and I started looking at the things that I still had very good, and then I could still enjoy despite the inability to walk, I could still enjoy things, find joy in suffering. Even though I couldn't walk, I could still be joyful, by learning to enjoy different things and what I was focused on my loss. And when so when I wrote about the gift of gratitude in my book, I talk about the 10 lepers. There's a story in the Bible of 10 lepers that God heals. And one of them came back to thank him. So what happened to the other nine they never came. came back, you know, they must not have been grateful, even though God healed from leprosy, right? You know, but the one came back. So I decided to focus on the one, a nine, I decided I want to be like the one letter, who's grateful. And so that's how that story came into my life is, I'm going to be the one that starts thanking God. So my prayers changed from those Genie prayers, in asking God to do this, and that, and this and that, for me, like and my prayers became, God, I'm so grateful that You have given me a husband who is caring for me through this disability, and we are actually drawing closer to one another than we were when I wasn't disabled. Beautiful. We were growing closer, despite the disability.

It's interesting how so many people cite gratitude as one of the best ways to overcome adversity. Thank you so much for sharing that. So Darci, given your situation, the disability, the healing, and then getting knocked back down for a second time? What lessons have you learned that you could share with someone listening, who might be in a similar situation, and who needs help right now.

First of all, know that you are not alone. And you have not been abandoned. God is with you. He sees you. He's near here. And so thank him, thank him, you know, maybe focus on the little things that you can be grateful for. And that will grow into a deeper gratitude for him. The other things that have helped me that I hope help you, are you no pain is very selfish. emotional pain, and physical pain, want you to focus on you. However, the antidote to getting through pain is focusing on other people. And so by turning yourself, turning away from focusing on yourself and your pain, try to look in other people try to do something for someone else. And give up yourself, because it makes you feel better. Yes, because, and you can grow in yourself and through your pain. By crawling out of your disability, or your emotional pain, or whatever it is you're going through, doing something for someone else, helps you heal to so it actually multiplies. It helps others and it helps you.

Well, those are great lessons, and I believe they apply to so many other challenging situations we may find ourselves in. I'm so glad we had this opportunity to get to know each other. And then I could read your book. Can you just tell listeners where they can find out more about you and also get a copy of your book?

Well, thank you. Hi, you have a website. It's www dot D'Arcy dar si i middle initial J. Steiner, s t e i n er.com, rcj steiner.com. There's information about my speaking opportunities. I do speak. Like books is available on Amazon or other dot coms, like walmart.com or target.com, Barnes and noble.com. And there's a study guide that goes with it. So Bible study groups have been using it with their Bible studies and all the leading a group actually at my church, beginning in a couple of weeks going through it with a group of women there, but it isn't just for women, it's for men, as well. And so that that study guide can be really helpful to personalize whatever you're going through as you're going through the book. Great.

Well, thank you for that, Darci. And thank you so much for agreeing to come on the podcast and share this story with us.

Thank you so much for having me today. And thank you for doing what you do.

So for those of you listening, I hope you found a little piece of hope to take away from Darcy story. I've heard it said we're only one car accident away from being disabled. That's a sobering thought. In Darcy's case, it was just one wrong step. Have me down the stairs. People with disabilities have a hard life with physical pain and emotional suffering. Darcy was also treated differently and ignored when she began to use her wheelchair outside of the home. There's so much for us to learn here, not just about how we can empathize with people who are suffering, but also how we need to embrace gratitude for what we have. I started out this message by talking about an exercise of empathy. As a hospice volunteer, I would need to understand like my patients, what it feels like to lose people, things and abilities as we approach the end of life. loss can make us feel alone. But even after all, she endured, Darcy turned to God, the one who will never leave us or forsake us. And she found comfort in the midst of her trials. That's my prayer for you today. Thanks for listening.